Sutta

To my friend,who played it so beautifully.

Doston mein baitha main sutta pee raha
Abba ne mujhe sutta peete dekh liya
Ghar jab pahuncha to danda ho gaya
BC sutta, sutta na mila.
BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila.
BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila.

College mein gaya mujhe pyar ho gaya,
Usne bhi mujhse mera sutta cheen liya
Sadkon pe ghooma main tanha reh gaya
BC sutta, sutta na mila.
BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila.
BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila.

Shaadi hui main husband ban gaya
Raat bhar thoka main thak ke gir gaya
Khushiyon ki khatir mera sutta chin gaya, BC sutta.

BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila.
BC sutta, mujhe sutta na mila.
BC sutta, sutta na mila

BC MC, BC MC BC MC.
BC MC, BC MC BC MC.
BC MC, BC MC BC MC.
BC MC, BC MC BC MC.


sadist enough, i hope. The first time i heard this song, i must've been 13. with a microscopic vocab, at leat in hindi, i had NO idea what sutta meant.
when i was fifteen, and did decipher the mumbaiyya lyrics, the girls were all ooohhh eeeeks..
i'm 17,can sing the song by heart,and unabashedly.you're talking to a girl who isn't.
i do give it a thought you know,life with a cancerstick in hand.like,how cool is it?B&H ek haath mein,other hand in my pocket.and the nicotine stench.loadsa more chewing gums,mouthwash kept handy.making sure my lips dont blacken.raised eyebrows from friends.trying hard to not let my parents know.I did it out of curiosity, the drag thing.i thought i like it. the coughing the first day was awful.but they dont all cough.it left me feeling fuller.more grown up, and satisfied i'd done it.you see, it was more psychological then physical.the thrill, and then the 'cool' tag. i remember a friend telling me,'he smokes, like 2 packets a day,dealt in drugs,heavy on them.How cool is that?'. i hated him right there.'eeewww'.Didn't oarents ever find out?well, i knew the answer.
We teenagers,if we wanna keep something fom our parents, we can keep it no matter how obvious it is. they are unsuspecting,'trying to be our friends',and they look over the obvious lies.ask me,i have kept millions from my folk.i'm chocoholic,and this post is dedicated to the guy who first told me i was one.at obesity,chocolates can do wonders for the cholestrol team.
well,to the guy i knew since around 6 years now.did i say 'knew'?sorry, i dont mean it.i do not know you.vene vidi vici.they all said i was in love with him.i knew i wasnt.there's something called a comfort zone, and he hadnt entered.today i cant really say if he has,but he's close to.

Just to him now,
i dont know you,and i wont claim otherwise.but i've seen you for the past five years, and i dont see any reason i shouldnt care for you.you were the one who'd get us all smile,the one who everyone thought would do the best, and probably will.you're the one who everybody always wanted around,the reason i often took the others for granted.you're the one who could tell facts the way they are unnervingly,and the one who read us long before we'd opened you.
they told me you dont care.seriously?they also tell me that being upset about you could do no one any good,and definitely me some harm.they also say that i dont have a right.
well boy,here's something.i know that if i dont do something, or rather we dont do something soon enough to stop you from lighting it,you'll die.i dont want to miss you,and as much as i deny it,i know i will.i know this will kill you.i want you to live,and it hurt more than my ego the day you showed me you could do what you like.it hurt some place that said,oh god please dont let him do that.i cant stare up at you as defiantly as you can at me,asking me to challenge any of my decisions,but for some reason i still cant figure,i know someday you'll have to stop doing that.
i dont want you to die a loser's death.you're never gonna listen,and i probably wont dare say these things to you,but trust me,i guess i care for the fact that you're a part of my life i dont wanna throw away so easily.you need a hand?i'm here.a shoulder?i'm here..why me?do you know that all of us cant go 5 minutes without trying to find ways to pull you out?and you still dont care.maybe you'r waiting to get addicted.may be you want to die the death of an 80 year old man at 40.
here's a fact:death doesnt affect the person who's dying.it affect those he leaves behind.his memories,his words,his voice.the fact that you're going that way makes me cry at night.that too for a friend i really cant call one.what do you not have?what do you want?what will make you stop the darned habit?kick the butt?why are you so intent on killing yourself?
go ahead then,but i'm gonna try my best to pull you back.i'm gonna go the distance just so that you dont die and kill a part of me with you.you may hate me,call me names,slander me.but i wont stop trying,you're way too good for that.
for all the times you hurt me with your words,i could forgive you.but not for the times i felt dead in myself because you didnt give up the smoke.i've seen people ide that way,suffer that way, and just because i dont say it,it doesnt mean that i dont care.i do, more than i'd have ever thought myself.
i dont know why you're doing this,how long you've been doing this,anything.all that matters now is that i can pull you out of this,and i will.i dont know how i'm gonna do it,where,when,why.i know i'm gonna do this.the smoking is the vice,not the smoker.everytime i look at my guitar i'm probably gonna be proud at the fact that i tried for something.
you're worth more than a packet of lights you buy from a 3rd grade stall.way,way more than that.i just hope you really know how good you are,and how petty something like this is.
thanks,for hearing,if not listening.
Me.

5 comments:

  1. Blogging can be so comforting.

    I'm a person who has moved on so many times in life, that I never let someone get so close to me (except my parents). I know it's a bad habit, and I'm trying to take care of it.

    Lastly, I'd like to quote Dave Mustaine:
    "Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard."

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You got me wrong.
    I don't smoke, not at all. Never touched it. Never gonna try it even. The bad habit I talked about is forgetting about old friends.

    And since I have no experience, I should not say anything about it. However, I will say that all of us resort to easier methods of achieving short term happiness (my post is about that), some worry a lot, some drink, some smoke, some sleep, some procrastinate.

    These things help us forget about the real issues in our lives and hence we get addicted to them. I think your friend realises this too. Tell him to have more control in his life, and if possible, support him with his issues. Help him help himself.

    Now that was preachy! :D
    P.S. I'm towards the end of my 3rd year. And yes, we played in Mood I. I've put a pic on my blog, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. hey was this post about smoking or what ??? i didnt read the for the guy part of it cause i respect privacy but wht i dont get is that u rite sumthing spcifically for someone in a public place and expect it to b just for him ??? the absurdities of life are never ending even tht bit of cigrette in one hand and the other in ur pocket reminded me of the alanis morisette song " hand in pocket " and then the absurdity reminded me of another song by the same artist called ironic i m sure u must have heard both of them ....
    anyways i disagree with alok on many points i'd like to get "preachy" about ur way of lookin at things but may b u dont need it ..... and even if u do .... i'll have to make the real effort of telling how ur perceptions are different than mine and all tht crap so i shall just say good work !!!!! ( which is exactly why they made the posts comments section for a simple reason flattery )

    ReplyDelete
  4. @nutee
    seriously,after 3 years of blogging,not jus here, i do what to put up in public!the 'jus for him now' part was to be a one on one thing,for every one to read ofcourse, but in direct conversation with him. trust me, if it were so private, it wudnt have been here!
    also, i wrote it out, because i'd love people to relate and tell me what they think, advise etc. go ahead, read it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. hey u know what....we engineers call this song 'our anthem'....yeah even we who don't smoke....it's supposed to be the best song by which an engineer can vent his frustration....

    ReplyDelete

And your take is...