No I won't.

My fascination with the Heer-Ranjha duo will never end. Not this way, at least.
I was sure I'll get over Heer, too. Stop dressing my mind up like the lover who'll wait till the end of eternity, who'll brave the odds and refuse to look at any man who isn't her Ranjha.
I'm almost sure all the time.
Turns out reality (or the world you people claim to live in) has plans of its own.
As much as I try to live out of it, by the way, it has ways of magnetically dragging me into its chain of unfortunate events.
Like recently, when I thought I fell in love.
Edward Cullens of the world, you ought to hide in embarrassment- my Ranjha turned out to be twice better than all of you put together, of course- he doesn't know.
That's the funda with me- I can't tell what I feel. Crushes, yes- all my friends will know about them. But I superstitiously guard the loves of my life. Only the privileged circle of friends (in my case that'd be Manasi, Shriya, Rishanka, Srinath, Renu and Trup) Otherwise, they'll be miles away from the public eye. I'll hardly be seen hanging out with them- it'll be obvious by my tomato red face and the absolute loss of sense in my vocab when I am with unidentified talking object that something's cooking. Moreover, I always am better prepared when i have comebacks ready in my head and you-don't-know-who says something that I predict he will. So that takes a lot of thinking.
Plus, if you like him, what the hell is there to say.
Imagine a conversation that goes like-
"Hey wassup"
"Nothing much (inevitably- it'll be a leap in mankind's vocab and in global chat history if someone comes up with a different AND sensible reply to wassup) You tell me"
"Aah actually there's something I needed to tell you"
"I dunno"
go on"
"I like you"
"Oh that
I like you too
what do u have to tell me?"

(if our heroic revealer of one's own dark secrets hasn't died of being popat'd yet, our conversation will continue like...)

"that's what i had to tell you
I like you
Like, 'like' like you"
*Beep is offline*(when it actually wants to say- *You scared beep offline. You had it going so good, you smartass, happy messing up day. Now if you're lucky enough, he won't sprint the other way when he sees you the next time, but that's only because there's a wall on the other three sides. If there isn't one on even one, say buhbye to your love, loser*

Imagine a conversation on those lines. So, sirs and madams, I'm happily (or otherwise) out of the go-tell loop. For reasons like these, and beyond.
To add to the embarrassment, there's your gang of giggly friends(guys included) who'll hoot whenever you and Beep are in a radius of 30 mts of one another. So as much as they mean you good, regardless of how they are or whether they are connected with either Beep or you, you have to face the ooooohs and the aaaahs, and you can't even look at Beep to say, 'Hey, relax- I don't mean this/Dude I didn't start this/On the count of three, we run the other way/Uhmmmm sorry about this/etc'
And besides. I have embarrassing tendencies to be loud, intelligent, unpretty- and on the whole ungirly. Stuff that's ok when you're a guy, you know. But yeah, I'm the ugly Betty in most cases (mind you, I'm as proud).
This time, is as different as the other times.
In the beginning, it's like, ok, you exist. Then we get talking.
And talking. Talking talking (and more and more and more...) talking.
And then we shut up. That's fun- shutting up when the world expects you to be talking. Happens all the time.
I'll tell you about one crush of mine.
Or not. Whatever man.
If this note gets pasted of facebook, I'm dead meat. So I've pruned it to be facebook friendly.
Because really, I'd rather have a guy who knows I love him without being told, than one who'd believe it only after I've spelled it out to him.


  1. i agree with your point..about not telling everyone about your "love" .. but the last line is tricky... what if that guy never really understands the you love him until he is being told..
    uhh.. i m being pessimist here..but..just a thought..

    good post..keep blogging@!!!

  2. Dear Ms. Mohandas
    a reminder for all woman-kind shall probably hepl u realise that men are obtuse to such emotional curry boiling inside women ... they need things served to them on a platter but enjoy secretively the hard work put in to earn that oh-so-nice plate of love bhelpuri ... put out to them .. kindly try subtlety in a more in ur face way .. am i sounding contradictory. well thats how it is ... i m kinda getting used to a lot of this crush thing ... one day u may just inspire me to play love guru of sorts and i must say i have decent amount of experience .....

  3. @sankoo
    Tell WHAT? I sincerely lose all my vocab in times of utter crises! Someday, I shall know how to tell. Till then, it's letch-time!

    Men ought to understand...well, men dealing with ME ought to understand- that I DON'T SPEAK up. Simple.
    Obviously this is a manufacturing defect, and since the goods can't be returned, they shall break of their own vice :P


And your take is...