i'm a hydrophobe,and i dont care if most of you dont get it. Sea water and rivers scare me, not as much as cockroaches do, but scare me alright. i can't stand huge things.i was having trouble watching tsunami waves on TV.
So the only contact i have with water throughout the year, is when i'm bathing (duh-uh),when it's raining (wheeeeeeeeee) and Holi.
This time was something different.For the first time did i feel that i was playing ekdum dil se.no inhibitions,saying just what i want, and doing just what i felt.I splashed around,kept away from a lot of boys who spell trouble,drunkards included.And most importantly,because i know only one of my building friends is gonna have the patience to read this,i feel i've overcome a few of my psycho-blocks about this certain species of creatures.
well for reasons of my privacy,i'll call guy no.1 Adonis, and guy no.2 Ugly,which,surprise surprise they both are.
so lets go for adonis first.he's like the first ever guy i fell for,and i assumed i'll never fall out of love with him.presumptuous me.you know i had trouble accepting i din like him anymore.like fine he was cute at some point of time,but now he's just another guy from the neighbourhood.miraculous change considering i used to go bonkers if i didnt see him for more than 2 weeks.daa! he's like in a universe way apart fom mine,and now he's smudged into oblivion.
This holi was important,because i wasn't too keen to get much around him,something every girl with a crush does.i hung around just for the minimal time being of saying hi,putting a lil colour about his face,and moving off.
What impresses me the most, is that i did all of it without realising i did it,and thought about it only when i came home an hour back.kudos to me.
Second's Ugly.well to get a lil bit of backdrop on this guy,he was the closest i actually got to liking someone.he is and even then,was, nething but cute to look at,dauntingly funny,and eerily detached.attractive if not endearing.this lasted for 2years with the traffic moving only one way.then something happened and things went downhill..like his absence, distractions, new people..you know..all the stuff which marks the end of a potential in-your-head-only love story? then for about two years,all that existed, was a 'oh hi','all the best','happy new year'.stuff you share with an annoying colleague.
then something even worse happened which i'd rather not talk about very demonstratively.all i can tell, without violating my own rule of shutting up, is that the incident left me feeling disappointed in ugly, made me think of him as no better than a frightfully insignificant protozoan.not once,thrice.
when you're as humanely insane, you give second chances. i gave 1736th chance to the wretch, and as of today, i'm not regretting it.because if i look at things without judging the git, i'd say he did what all boys would have done, they're jocks, and nothing better.
i decided to talk to him,how i would have had he been any other guy i know. it worked. what i was really wary was, was what my best friend who doesn't have a very good opinion of him would think.that made for yet another psychoblock. but then again, thinking with my own brain in the cranium helped. we're, i.e. Ugly and me are in touch, and holi proved how much i was ready to get over the fact that Ugly is a jerk. no inhibitions and i didn't flinch once when we got really messy somewhere in the middle, something i would've done with any other friend of mine. **silly giggle: at the cost of this hard he's-my-guy-watcha-doing-talking-to-him-huh? look from a 'friend'..tch tch,girls na..**
Proves how normal i am now.Phew.finally!four years of HARD work, really.
and this too, was a product of all recollection after i got back from Holi-land.
my point is, a little bit of thinking, letting your mind think the way it wants to without presumptions, inhibitions, prejudice, can help heal a lot of injured relationships. don't judge people by what happened or what you felt a while ago, what d'you know? it maybe your outlook to the situation that may have changed, but you didn't give it a chance to breathe, and suffocated that of the person concerned to show you how things are different. dogmatizing yourself will hurt more than just you. people change, and we're all human, responsive to changes. a person who claims to have never changed is someone who has mode a lot of decisions that may have hurt people and never tried to put out a hand to solve differences.
trust me, it helps.